he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
