I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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