there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
