I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
