she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
