just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
