filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
