I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
