The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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