but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
