The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
