someone threw a dead crab at me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize