He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Randomize
