I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
