I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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