My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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