my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
