i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
