im drinking this country out of the recession.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
