i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
