yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize