I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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