I'm lost and stupid without you.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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