i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
