the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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