i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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