He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
