I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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