Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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