if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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