saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
