Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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