on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
