So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
