I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
