We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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