I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
God I need to hump something, right now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
