I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
