Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
