How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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