He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
