I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
