i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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