Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
