Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
as a side note pls kill me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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