happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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