I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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