i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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