mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
