The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
