i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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