you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
