i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
