If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
third nipple confirmed
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
