FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
