I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
