Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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