I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
