Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
