no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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