the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
