I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
