dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize