So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize