Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
