He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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