Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
