Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
