wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm passing your future prison.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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