you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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